Me: [gently, very gently trying to pry the Harry Potter franchise out of JKR’s white-knuckle grip] That’s it… You’ve had enough now…
JKR: [hugging it tighter] I thought this was what you wanted! More diversity! More representation! More magic! Magic in the US for all the American fans!
Me: You can’t just retroactively make all the characters fill a checklist, babe, and I don’t know a single American who thinks Ilvermorney makes a lick of sense. Just give it [pulling] here… We don’t need any more content. You’ve done enough. We can extrapolate on our own, now.
JKR: No!
Me: [desperately] You broke your Brits Only rule to support the casting of an abuser as one of your only gay characters. You retroactively made Nagini an Asian Animagus in like, the most fetishistic way you possibly could, and I’m pretty sure it breaks the lore anyway. You’ve got another series going. You can write other stuff! Just…just give it. George, please, tell her!
[George Lucas materializes and puts a sad, defeated hand on her shoulder] Just let it go. It’s not worth it. Now let us go be billionaires in peace.
